Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Ketchup is God's man juice
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
