I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
