Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
