bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
