Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
