The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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