so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
