Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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