Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
don't judge my taste in strippers
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
