I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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