Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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