When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
