dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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