If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
