He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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