I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
These tits shall not be calmed
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
