I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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