You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
