No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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