just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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