We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
