I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
