We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
