:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
