she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
you never un-have a 4some
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
