If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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