feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
