If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
