Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
