Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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