If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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