If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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