when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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