Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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