I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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