i think i have herpe
just one?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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