he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
