I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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