Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize