we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
