Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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