sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
