I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
