she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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