Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
