WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
