The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
