Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
