Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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