I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
