i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
