so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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