Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
