My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
