I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize