She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
as a side note pls kill me
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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