i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
