I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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