You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
