you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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