A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can't turn off my feet"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize