Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
