i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize