Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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