This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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