YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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