he puts the penis in happiness.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
