I wish I could punch you in the face.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
