god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
