in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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